To all the Woman Crushes out there...
- Crys_j_cole
- May 8, 2019
- 13 min read
Updated: May 9, 2019
Hey there all you Cole Worldly folks, I sat down with Author/Speaker/Researcher, his name is Ikechi Ojore. Affectionately called "Ike" by his peers and friends. Ike wrote a book entitled "To My Future #WCW" He spends most of his time traveling the globe, doing public speaking engagements around the US, and lastly he has recently started "Conversations in the Kitchen" with Chef Bianca Amador. The class will give you the opportunity to attend a cooking class where you will discuss topics about relationships, lack of communication, entrepreneurship, community, the importance of building each other up, all the while expanding our skills in the kitchen.
I've been knowing him for years, we went to rival high schools back in the day. I went to Jesse H. Jones High School, Home of the "Mighty Falcon Marching Band" and he went to Worthing High School. Ike even told me a funny story, from when we were in high school when a certain girl (me) as a Drum Major, ran him and some of his other fellow Worthing drummers off my campus who were there to wreak havoc at our band practice, lol. I didnt even know he was apart of that group, I just knew they shouldn't have been at our band practice. #Joneshighschool
We actually came up through the Ocean of Soul at Texas Southern University together as well you know, "The most exciting band on the planet." I noticed he was promoting his book "To my future #WCW." On his personal website, Iojoreimagery its states, "Embark on this journey with author Ikechi Ojore, as he writes letters to his future love, channeling thoughts of past and present in order to manifest true love."
The scene..
I poked around a bit on his page, and liked the feedback so I reached out, and I told him in order for us to grow individually sometime we are stronger when we collaborate, Would you be interested in sitting down for an interview? He said yeah sure! Guess what! IT happened just like that I gave him the date/time and so here is our collaboration.
I arrived (on time) as usual, lol. I walked into this dope eclectic spot known as "Tout Suite"
that we currently have in East Downtown now called Eado. I sat there sipping my Mimosa admiring the natural light flowing in through the floor to ceiling windows. The room is speckled with people looking extremely busy on their laptops. I loved the fact that the place has a "No Wi-fi" policy during brunch. They want you "present." I thought that was really different and cool. It keeps the environment "chic." (even though the majority of the people were still plugged in, and using their phone as a HOT Spot, lol. I still like the idea, it was clever, but you have to do a lot more to keep people from their phones, like actually collect them or some ish, lol.
I ordered the Chicken and Waffles.
I noticed the fork was in the shape of my Ikea forks from my home, I noticed a few things from Ikea in this place. (Way to go Ikea, lol) I was thinking this place is dope, and pretty much furnished from Ikea. Wonderful. lol.
I was just ready to get my food. The food on everyone else's plates looked so good, and smelled so good, and looked so appetizing.
And then it happened, my plate was in front of me. Yall.. It was so good, the waffle was delish. I wont be able to contain myself much longer, I will need more of this in my belly soon, lol.
In the middle of my delicious brunch, here he comes late, and ready to talk, lol.
I'm chewing and saying hello..
Here's the truth yall, I work out a lot, but I love food, I'm truly a foodie, lol.
We hug, and shoot the $h!t a bit. He is sitting across from me, clean cut, fully tatted sleeves on both arms ladies. He has on a grey Black Panther T-shirt not too tight, but just enough to show a little of what he's working with. He has on Camoflouge jogger pants, and tennis shoes. He has a camera bag worn across his body, and he plops down. He's a member of the beard gang right now. He looks like he goes by the gym, or at least knows how to eat pretty good. We briefly discussed health, and then I said, "Well you ready to get started?" As I sat there going in on my food. He said yeah... Lets get started. I know he had the questions already because I sent them to him about three days ago, so he wouldn't be blind sided by my questions: (my questions are bold his answers are in italics) So I pulled out my phone, and Pressed the Voice memo, and here's what happened....
What was your inspiration/Defining moment that made you say fuck it I want to to write this book? This book was an accident more than anything. It was a culmination of failed relationships, and not knowing how to express them. I was in a relationship, I thought it was the one, and then it didn't happen. I'm good, but I was pissed off! Not at her, but I was like, "Where is SHE!? Where is the person I'm trying to meet? Where is this person I'm supposed to be with? Um, I just started writing, any thought that I had out, and I sent it to my best friend, she told me I should post this. (side eye) I was like, Nah my boys gon'' be like you triippin' She encourages me to write it, and she said you're NOT what they would call, She said just be "You" and do that thing. You know, In the black community everything is called "gay" but I went ahead, and I posted it, and the response was AMAZING. It was the first post I got 400 likes on, and the DM's were full, the comments were all in the positives. Many people were saying I've never seen a man say this/do this. I said "Wow" we think it but we just don't say it. As a man if we express ourselves in that way, then were called gay/soft. So, its kind of hard in the "hood" you know "South Park" we don't do this/we don't accept this. Anything outside of this was NOT cool. For example, We were in band right? I responded "Yes" It was cool if you were in the black community, But As soon as you cross the street you're gay/youre a punk. I just said Fuck it. Im just gon post it, It just so happened to be a 6 AM on a Wednesday morning, I went back and revised it, It first said, to whom I may concern. I went back and changed it to my future woman crush wednesday. From that? I continued to do it for about a year, I just took all those posts added to them, and then put them in a book.
First time writing a book? First time writing a book, never even thought about it.
How did you balance writing the book along with your work schedule? (Traveling, Working, Being a musician, etc.) One of my teachers in college told me it was 24 hours in a day and anything you want to do you can make it happen, I would wake up at 5 am to practice, and for an hour at 6 I had another hour, or I would get out of rehearsal at 8 and I wanted to make sure this post happened for the next day, and I wrote. I would just sit there and write. No matter the conversation. It was real simple to me.
What would you say that you find interesting about your response from readers?
Most interesting thing was the response from men. Not openly but more men called me and DM me or sent me emails saying this is dope "NO Homo" the things you're doing I want to talk about it I just haven't been able to. It was less about the female response that really did it but it was the response from men. It was unexpected, some guys said this is WHACK. Some said this is really DOPE.
What do you like to do when you're not writing? I don't know, I mean its a little bit of everything, I love travel, I love to try and find something to travel too, I try to go find something to go get PAID to travel to. Like you said before I am a musician I enjoy playing at different spots, and I’m kind of a homebody, a homebody who's never at home, I'm just never there. I just started a cooking class called "Conversations in the kitchen" I partnered with an award winning chef, who was on the Food Network, and it was like how do you go to networking events, how do you add networking events with like motivational speech, and something to do. So I started a cooking class, of course people laughed at me, I mean it is a laughable thing. lol. I can cook but not as well as her. I like to create things, and it was like what can you do to make all these things happen, "Conversations in the kitchen" is a platform for people to meet, to learn, to network, to meet all at one time. My motto for 2019 is "I introduce dope people to dope people" That's in whatever environment.
What do your ex girlfriends think of your book? I don't know. (blank stare, then a chuckle) I sent it to my ex fiancé the beginning of my book is dedicated to her, I sent it to her, I wrote a letter to her specifically. She's married, and has a family, I sent it to her, and I didn't expect a response. The people I've dated in the past have pretty much had a resounding theme, "Where was this guy in the past?"Its the truth, the truth is I didn't know how to communicate outside the realm of what I knew how to do. We don't do that. We don't take professional development for relationships we tend to be stuck in a box, and I didn't know how to communicate with my ex. The people that came after her it was just like "it is what it is" I just put pen to pad, and started writing my thoughts but truly didn't know how to communicate. I don't know what they think but they just say "Where was this guy?" Many things have been the downfall for my relationships not being successful. You feel like you're not enough, and I don't want to be held down in my relationship, I want to be able to grow. One of the reasons me and my ex fiancé broke up, (and I've never told anyone this) but she was chasing her dreams and I wasn't. Every dream she wanted she was after it, I had no idea how to go after a dream. I had no path, and she knew what she wanted. You almost get left in the dust and you're sort of left in the shadows. That opened the door for me to search and find myself.
What was one of the most surprising things you learned About yourself in creating your book? THAT I DONT KNOW SHIT, LMAO. I usually say about any answer that someone asks me, I can only answer for myself but what I've learned is that everyday is a new transformation fo that same answer. Each day it is different for me. He asked me why I'm single. (I said today?? well the reason today is Im not just accepting anything form any one, I'm not asking for the moon and stars (shout out to my homegirl Nike) but I want someone who has certain things to be in place for you as MAN, Im working hard I want to know you know how to be a MAN already.)
He quickly chimed in The reason Im single is because I haven't met anyone worth giving my single away to. We meet people all the time, and its like I'm just supposed to be ok settling beauty?? Thats great, drive ambition? where das at? can we sit and have a conversation? I'm not an optimist/pessimist I'm somewhere in between, I've meet people who are complainers,I see both sides, but the ultimate complainers? that are just not attractive to me. Their looks fade and I'm turned off by that. Im a doer so I need the same from my spouse. Action is involved, Love is a verb, it takes action, you have to actually DO something to say you love yourself and put in WORK. its also about a willingness to learn, We go through life thinking we know it all, in our 30's we finally realize we don't know shit. I realize at 37 I realize I'm willing to learn what the world will allow. I wanna know that you have something to teach me. If you don't have anything to teach me.. you may as well leave me alone.
Truth be told, you have to have a willing heart to be in a relationship. If Im telling you everything, and you telling me everything it wont work, Its more about the compliment of two people. We want someone who compliments us. (meet in the middle) Basically I believe its important to be with someone who brings you out of your comfort zone to teach you something different. Be with someone who says "We gon go bungee jumping!" (I chimed in here, Um yeah honey I'll be on the ground, recording, He said, you and me both, here's your go pro, I said, put that on your head, lmao!) Its been in the past that I haven't wanted to do anything with the person I'm dating, and that's probably not too good. LMAO.
Which is your favorite letter/part of your book to your future woman crush? My favorite part is not one of the letters, Being an educator, I put "do nows" and "exit tickets", and every letter needs a response. Its sort of like a "workbook" but @hat is relationship? It's WORK! What is love? Its all work, and again this book was a work book not for other people, but for me!
I'm trying to figure stuff out too! I thought it would be good to have teaching elements in the book, so tell u about whoever, and lets compare your list to the list you are asking for. Can you learn from this person? and can you give what you're asking for?
Its an EBB and Flow, but what are you really trying to say to the person you are dating. I can write letters all day, but what do you really want?
I gave my dad a book, and I didn't grow up with my dad. I gave hime a copy of the book, and asked him to read it, and do the work. I learned more about my dad in that book than I ever knew about him for 37 years of my life.What you want from your spouse? What you wnat from you children? The trials and tribulations, it was that thing that surprised me, and I loved that the most as well.
Do you have any suggestions to help women to become girlfriends and drop the crush title? When you find someone and you want to stop crushing on and be in a relationship with, be willing to learn the things that make that situation, not to conform to it, but what compliments your life, If you really like the guy, be willing to learn what he is bringing to the table.
If you have to give me a general synopsis of your book, what would you say about it? Its pretty much a workbook to help you figure out what you want.
Are you dating anyone right now? No, but for one, When I wrote my book I realized that, You have a super power, like you're beautiful, ambitious, goal driven, these are things that men want. So when you tap into your brain and say Hey Crystal wants XYZ, they try to mimic that. I told myself that I would be on hiatus from dating while I was really promoting my book and in that process the people that I was interested in or were interested in, we sort of shifted apart. Its cool and the person thats for me will still be there for me. I don't want those ladies to try to conform to who they read about in my book, I just want them to be who they are and if its meant to work out then it will.
How much time do you think it will take to get there? The getting there, part is, well the world is revolving all the time, I don't know, and I wish I could say 6 months, but I haven't met anyone that makes me want to actually get serious. That's the issue attraction! You've dated someone and said, I don't want anyone who has kids, but for him, I might accept it, lol. Then you go again, and say but I don't want anyone who has kids, then you meet someone who doesn't have kids, and then you don't like them, lol. I mean I can put stipulations on everything but It wont make things any better .
Depending upon your answer, how is your book received from your potential ladies? I can still answer that, it goes back to a previous question. I've dated people who had the book, and they say I want the guy in the book, and I'd say well that guy may not be for you, I wrote it from such a place from manifestation. they want me to be that instant person. its not a microwave relationship, its not a two minute process we have to learn I have to learn, we have to grow, we have to want, we have to be willing.
My personal takeaway from this sit down interview. I believe that most of us would like to be in healthy loving relationships.
But not just at any cost, I think the majority of us would rather be single until we feel that giving up our single hood is worth it. Worth the time, worth the energy, and worth the trouble.
I also feel that some people struggle with being alone, so they settle for less just to have something versus nothing, but you have to become "OK" with being alone. I'm not saying its easy, because it isn't but I've sifted through enough riff-raff, and I know its worth the wait.
I personally live with an incredible sense of peace, and I find that some people trigger me in ways that make me uncomfortable. Not saying that I run from every situation, but some people are just not for me, and thats, ok. I make it a point to remove myself from their lives, and focus pressing forward, without them.
I hope you guys enjoyed my interview with Ike! If you would like to purchase his book "To My Future #WCW" you can on his website. Iojoreimagery You guys can also follow his page on Instagram for daily inspirational quotes, and his relationship findings, His research! (Its comical, but oh so true.)
I'm sure you guys will find some helpful tips, and hopefully you will either be someones crush who will actually step up to the plate, and who is actually WORTH IT! Side note (Ike is a dope Photographer!)
Comments