The real me??? According to Men.

Photog: Kwadwo Agyapong (Houston, Texas)

So, I reached out to men in my life and I asked them a simple (well maybe not so simple) question. Here is the message that was sent. Remember, these guys know me in ALL different ways. Dated, Loved, Lost, Girlfriend, Sister, Home-girl, "Friends" with Benefits.

Of course, I have collected all of their responses, and plan to try and "sum" it up here. I even asked the #1 man in my life. (My Daddy) I sent him a text, like all the others, but of course it Question turned into a 40 minute phone conversation.

(Uggh. I just wish he could've text me. Its easier to keep my emotions in check via text, versus during a face time, especially with my dad)

My dad (who got the same text, minus the sexual thing, lol.) He Gets his own section.

Here goes.....

Loves - Independent & Strong sense of "Common Sense"

Dislikes - (He basically went in, remember this my "Dad" and yes I asked him to tell me ONE thing. lol)

• Naive (feels as If I trust people too easily)

• Doesn't keep up with News, and Government. (He was speaking in regards to traveling around the world. He doesn't like me going places where they have a high crime rate/high drug rate, unsafe/anywhere that had a bad or negative history.)

• He doesn't like the fact that I don't tell him everything. (He feels as if I'm keeping a secret because I don't share my detailed moves when planning travel, dating, time with friends.)

• He feels as if I'm a "binge drinker." (another family member said the same thing.)

• He feels like I need a new car. lol. (he ALWAYS feels like I need a new car)

• He feels like I move around too much. (travel/always on the go)

My thoughts, From my father? (He's a DAD, he ALWAYS gonna be my dad, and always look out for my well being.) He's always going to focus on whats best for me, that "Daddy's little girl-ish", and he is going to come from that "always worry" factor. My dad wants me to tell him things about my life, He sees it as me being open and honest. The interesting factor is, as an adult/grown woman, there are aspects of my life I'm allowed to keep to myself, and don't have to EVER share with my father/or anyone else. My Dad and I are super close, but the truth is, there will ALWAYS be things about me that he will never know.

If I have ONE glass of wine at dinner, or go to social Happy Hour, then I'm binge drinking. LMAO! As for my family, Its what the "social media" insta-stories show, "I'm a PARTYING drinker. LOL. Maybe I should start posting when I'm home on the toilet, and watching TV, you know! The REAL exciting stuff. (My family doesn't know that when I was with my ex, there were times I wanted to go to sleep and never wake up, and it was after that relationship I decided, I need to live my life to the fullest, so I do, and I live OUT LOUD. I drink, but in moderation. My family will never see it like that.)

Instead of me finding "anger" in the way they view me, it I honestly makes me want to focus more on their perception. (interesting thought, I don't post the 3 drinks I have at the bar, then they don't see me drinking. Its me wanting to change the perception versus making any behavioral changes. I know how I behave. I want to be viewed as a free spirit, thinker, and live-er of life, lol. ) I have to respect their views! (regardless of how true they are or not) Their perspective changes based on their perception of my life.

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According to my Male Friends; (meaning, I never had an intimate/sexual relationship with, truly my friends.)

Loves - A True "Lotus Flower" Spirit

• Positive spirit, Amazing Energy, Bringer of "light", and Lover of Life (Independent & Adventurous.)

• Sincere (whether positive or negative honest feedback, always comes from a loving place.)

• Reliable (If I say it, then I mean it)

• Love How I'm able to get over things, basically MOVE ON.

Dislikes -Negative Qualities they've seen over the years.

• Selfish (hear that all the time with my friends, associates, like-ers, and dis-likers. All attribute it to the fact that I'm an only child.)

• Dismissive - Some feel that I cut people off too quickly. (I will say "I aint got time for this in a heartbeat)

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According to the Old Loves, Ex-Boyfriends, and Casual "romps;" (basically I may/may not have had sex with, might have almost dated/gone one a date or two, chatted on the phone, or may/may not have even had a full fledged relationship, you know ha dah $h!t go! (in my Drake voice, lol)

No matter how many times you sit on a hot tin bear, It will always be hot. LMAO!

Loves - (factors they loved)

• Loved my Attitude (even though I'm spicy)

• Vibrant Personality (Full of LIFE)

• Adventurous

• Outgoing

• Free Spirit!

• Resilient

• Hair! (I said no physical, but he said it was one of his favs)

• Infectious Laughter

• Ambition (drive & will to be successful)

• Positive Spirit

• Growth and Maturity

• Selfless

Dislikes

• Unyielding

• Stubborn

• Lack of Patience

• Vibrant Personality (can be too excessive at times)

• Selfish

• No dislikes (Some relationships didn't have enough "depth" to determine dislikes.)

My love interests, My dear sweet relationships. Lol. It was so interesting because I consider myself having 4 serious relationships in my life. Know what this means to me? Taking the man to meet my folks. (If you didn't meet my folks (it wasn't shit bro, lol)

During this process, I noticed that the different dynamics of relationships say a lot about the way I treated them/the way the relationship progressed or ended;

• I thought it was so interesting that my "friends" said I was selfish. My intimate relationships said I was "selfless." I believe its because I want to foster and put more energy into those loving relationships with a life partner. I mean, I love hard, and I want my relationships to grow and flourish. I do think Its important that I find the right balance to be less selfish in my friendships, and tap into growing those relationships and putting some of those selfish ways behind me. (Disclaimer, I will always come first, I spent about 3 years of my life putting someone else first, and it made me want to Kill myself.)

• The casual relationships? They were "carefree." It was surface and they didn't get to peel back the endless layers of who I am. They got the "fun" me, the hang, the chill, cool AF Crystal. (I'm pretty dope, BUT I just kept stuff under-wraps with them, I didn't have to let the "real" me out, hence the fact they had no dislikes.)

• The relationships that I decided to walk away from, or realized, this man was not the type of Husband I wanted, were the ones where I was told that I was selfish and lacked patience. I do believe they were good guys, but there were qualities they exhibited that I just didn't like and did not want in a life partner. Real talk, I have more patience with children, they don't know any better, and have to be taught. Was I selfish? Yeah with my got damn time, and energy. Bye (whack...A$s, *****)

• The stubborn comment?? Yeah I admit, I was super stubborn when I was young. I had a hard time in my youth being submissive to certain dudes. Last time I checked you are supposed to be submissive to your husband, and I don't think I've ever been married, and last I checked I had one father. NOT gon lie, it worked for a short while when I was young and dumb as fcuk. But as I matured into adult hood, some of that $h!t just wasn't gon' fly. (She wont do what I want? She's stubborn. Yeah I'm gonna be a free thinker, and have an opinion. Be with someone who does whatever you say, AND I'M NOT HER. #BLOOP)

• Two guys from Very different situation-ships said that I had a "huge larger than life personality" which they both loved but also both despised at times, lol. Honestly one of them gives my heart palpitations. I get so nervous around him, and I probably shouldn't after all this time, but he really gives me butterflies! He said sometimes he just wanted to chill and felt like I was on 10 (so Interesting!) (Nervous me, is a frikkn wreck!) ON The flip side is, the "IDGAF" me larger than life is absolutely a force. I don't pull back, I got ALL the way in. Im raw, more honest than one can probably handle key for me is really just finding the balance, and the right guy that can deal with, and live with me and my "Crystal-isms;"

Selfish~~~I was raised in a household as an only child, Its been said that only children get so used to being alone that they have an independent streak that’s pretty difficult to break. (OFF) This can often mean that, as adults, it’s their way or the highway. As I continue to grow, I try to make sure I am open compromise, but NEVER, will I EVER settle.

Stubborn, Lack of Patience, Unyielding. ~~In addition to learning independence at a young age, as an only child, I learned how important it is to be self-sufficient. But I realize this can hurt me in relationships. I sometimes make people feel as if I don't need them. I guess everyone needs someone.

Dismissive, Impatient~~ Growing up solo has a lot to do with my experiences early on with adult influence. It had caused a major effect on my personality. I'm wise beyond my years, I see things, and run for the hills because I look past "Potential" and look at my relationships for what they are. One of my friends always say Potential will have you "Po" (Pronounced POE, lmao)

All in All, this was definitely an eye-opening experience. I didn't really hear anything that surprised me. It was interesting because hearing the negatives didn't hurt, but it caused me to self reflect, and think about things I can change going forward to be a more awesome human being. However the relationships ended, It doesn't matter, I learned something from them, and I'm forever grateful.