The beauty of it all...

“If life was a book; every day would be a new page, every month would be a new chapter, and every year would be a new series.”

I closed a chapter, I did. I was content with it ending. I realized through it, that it was coming to an end. I know many times in relationships we say we didn't know, or we didn't see it coming. You see, because I was used to knowing what it felt like to not be cared for, or even honestly the feeling of not being wanted/desired anymore.

I've had my share of guys who wouldn't fight for me, almost as if I wasn't worth it. Ya know? like I TRULY wasn't worth the fight. (and for a while the way they made me feel like I wasn't but, its important through it all to stay grounded, with good people, with family, and things that bring you fulfillment.)

It was strange to me because although I felt a sense of pain. I didn't feel a sense of defeat, and I didn't stay down too long. I was sad, but I knew that there was more to come, and I knew I didn't have anywhere to go but up. That's the beauty of it all, the maturity that comes with getting older, dating, relation-shipping, lol, and life in general.

The beauty.

You know how it goes, you realize that you may like someone. You fight with the idea, you tussle with your own thoughts, you hardly allow yourself to enjoy what you feel, because you're afraid. Hell I'm afraid to type this, lol. But I have some things I need to get out of my head, and what better way than to put it into words, and allow all you perfect strangers to read it, and comment on it in my emails, lol. Easy-peasy.

It starts.

The flirting.

The attraction.

The consistency.

The date.

The heavy flirting.

The feeling of caring if you hear from them or not.

The text messages.

The long phone conversations.

The excitement.

The growing physical attraction.

The ache (yes the ache, lol)

The jokes.

The blushing.

The scary feelings.

The idea of tipping into what they call "unchartered territory"

The second guessing what you feel.

The over thinking

The haunting relationships from the past that somehow, rise to the surface like pecans in a pie (now that's beautiful, and yummy) But nah....

I'm referring to how the ones in your life that you gave nothing but space and opportunity. The people you went out of your way for, the people you know in your heart you gave a true shot at your heart, at the piece of you that you want to actually share with other people.

Those folks....... those folks that seem to have a connection to the universe and reach out as soon as they sense that you are happy. Its like they know you are completely over their bullshit. They must have a little tracker that sends them alerts like, she's moving on, reach out so you can try to waste her time. Reach out to block her blessing. It's like they say "I know I'm not willing to do what it takes, but I don't want her to be happy or I don't want her with anyone else. I just wanna play games with her, let me text her, let me call her." (I know yall gonna think I'm lying but I just got a text from one of my ex's while actually typing this, lmmfao)

So, it honestly takes me back to the Title the beauty of it all. I mean honestly it’s poetic. At times I feel like I’m sitting back watching my life in motion. It’s sort of like a book I wanna keep reading.

This particular Chapter has me in a tale spin. In a good way, but a way. lol. I’m sure I’m not the only person that is hesitant to let their guard down. I mean, I know for a fact because of you, my readers, and also because of the countless convos I’ve had with women in my life. We tend to enter into things with the mentality that, “We finna see” 😂 right? But it’s only fair because of our experiences. I know it’s not fair to enter into these situations with a “Lose Lose” mentality but trust me guys.... I get it lol.

But you can’t win if you don’t play. 👀 (I hear people say, I'm done dating, I mean what’s the alternative if you want to meet people??? LOL. Its like a double edged Sword)

You can’t have the idea that people are going to give you something you aren’t willing to give.

Loosen up, give yourself a chance to experience the beauty of partnership.

Instead of starting with the idea that this is gonna be MY person, start off the idea with a friendship. A "MY" friend.

Give yourself a chance to see how much you’ve grown as a person. In order to see your growth you have to be willing to have experiences, so get out there. I've spent a lot of time single, but when I'm in a situation, that forces me to communicate, it shows me how much I've grown, but it shows me there are still things I need to improve on. But I would never know if I just stay alone... (right???)

I realize the right person will make you think of them. You somehow become less selfish, and you want to be a better person for them. You want to make sure that you consider their feelings, at all times. I love thinking of someone other than myself besides I'm selfish right? (just like the rest of you mofo's)

Reserve a space for love in your life. Let it in...

Rearrange Your standards (the mofo need a refrigerator and a got damn oven) but you know what I mean. lmmfao.

Let your guard down a bit, allow yourself to experience something you may not have allowed before.

Be honest with the person and communicate your insecurities, because with your friends you can do this easily, Right? Imagine the beauty of being able to do this with your significant other??? It would really create a sense of closeness between the two of you. Right? No body, NOBODY said the shit would be easy. Trust me IT AIN'T EASY. It is a really hard thing to do, to communicate your feelings when you are in another head space. (let me get scientific right quick)

The part of the brain that is responsible for complex thinking is the Frontal Lobe—Located under the forehead, the frontal lobe controls reasoning, planning, voluntary movement, and some aspects of speech. When we are calm, relaxed, or having fun, this is the part of the brain that we use. When were not “flustered” we can easily communicate what were feeling and our thoughts.

When we are emotional. Emotions, like fear and love, are carried out by the limbic system, which is located in the temporal lobe. While the limbic system is made up of multiple parts of the brain, the center of emotional processing is the amygdala, which receives input from other brain functions, like memory and attention. However, when were upset we are not able to process information as well. Hence the need to calm down to communicate effectively. Our bodies naturally switch to another part of our brain 🧠 And it’s difficult to formulate thoughts properly.

Imagine this, you’re upset and you express yourself to your partner who is calm. You are communicating possibly in a “not so great” way with your person. They are calm, and slowly starting to get upset due to your delivery. As you speak you begin to calm down because you are getting your feelings out there and saying your issue. However, your partner is now upset. Both of your are currently flip flopping brain function which will make it extremely difficult for the two of you to get on one accord. (Beautiful right!? and Oh so complicated, lol)

Just as beautiful as our brain function is we have to learn to self regulate what we feel. I have a friend (one of my jeep girls) she’s an amazing woman but very explosive in her emotions! (We all are tho right??) She and I have this thing where before we go crazy with our feelings. We call each other and say “Am I crazy!? Lol” “Help me if I’m wrong, lol” and its funny because In the moment the other person is calm and they think more clearly and as friends, we can help regulate those feelings with each other. But what if she’s not available? Or what I’m not answering?

Your spouse doesn’t deserve the angry version of you that’s momentarily handicapped because you cant express yourself, lol. The beauty of it is that our brains have the ability to change function (not quickly, lol) but it can.

Shouldn’t you want to?

it starts.....

you’re upset.

you feel insecure

or jealous

you feel your temp rise

damn it. Why?

why do I feel like this!? it’s because you have come to the realization that what you have with this person, is special. you don’t want anyone else to have what you have with them. (They can have it, just not with my person, lmao)

Drake says a little jealousy is ok? but what considered ok? What’s “too far?”only you know.

The beauty of it all, your person is just that. No matter who anyone else is. They can NEVER have what YOU TWO have.

Do I have this shit all figured out? HELL NO 😂 But I know that in order for me to be good for someone else, I gotta be good for ME first. (I am) But just think of how beautiful it is? And remember how beautiful it can be... It’s really up to you. Stay focused, press towards your personal goal. Don’t allow those things/people from your past to creep in and ruin your beautiful opportunities.

❤️ The beauty of it all.....