The Great Date Mystery (Games People Play)

So I’m sure you guys have heard about or seen the new show airing on BET called "Games People Play" I saw the previews when I was watching the season finale of Mary Jane, I feel that they were trying to mush all the stuff together on Mary Jane just give us all some closure, but ok Mary Jane writers, you did your best lol. Moving on, so "Games People Play" I watched the show to support Lauren London you know "Nu-Nu" especially after everything that happened here recently with Nipsy Hustle. I saw many people saying lets support our sister Lauren online so I made a point to record it and check it out. It has the dude "Dro" on there from insecure, You know? Tall light skin guy who smashing Molly on Insecure? Issa's best friend? The same dude who is in an open marriage, married to Janay from "The Game" The same dude who's wife is pregnant. (Chile thats all a big fu(k!ng mess) The Title of the show alone peaked my interest. “Games People play” From what I’ve seen so far is the real story behind the glitz and glam, sort of like “The Game” but much darker and without all the quirky humor. (Spoiler alert, and I mean dark, some one was killed)

When I think of dating, I don’t go into it thinking it’s a game, but I feel as if people treat it as a game. Do you? It's sort of like a cat and mouse chase. Only you spend the majority of the time trying to figure out who's the cat, and who's the mouse. Or even like a puzzle, with missing pieces, like you will never get the full picture because some of the pieces are missing. That's the way I feel when It comes to dating. I feel like its a game to some people. Games are supposed to be fun, and enjoyable for people who are playing. Its only fun, when everyone knows the rules, and knows what the object of the game is. But dating is like playing a game of Uno, and everyone has their own fu(king rules. It makes the game that much harder. You're playing the game with your own idea of how it should be played, and then someone puts down 6 cards at a time with all different types of cards, Draw two, Draw four, The color is Yellow, Reverse, Skip, Skip, Reverse, and Reverse. Then its the same persons turn. (WTF just happened, lol) In a game, there will be some laughter, some arguing and an understanding is then reached (most times) In dating, people play games that tend to be more hurtful, damaging, and downright cowardly. So look, According to Webster's dictionary

A game is a form of play or sport, especially a competitive one played according to rules and decided by skill, strength, or luck.

Dating is to go out with (someone in whom one is romantically or sexually interested).

See how the definitions are the same....

FU(K NO

Of course NOT, me either. All the more reason to wonder why people play games when dating. So, check out this post, which details one of my recent dating escapades.

So you go out with (someone in whom you are romantically or sexually interested in,) "A Date". So you finally meet a guy that you’re actually attracted to, he's a decent cutie, he's tall, he's bald. He seems to have a cool personality. (I have a weird spectrum but I like these elements most times.)

I want to be attracted to them.

Tall (6'2 and up)

Bald

Dreds (neat ones that don't smell sour)

If they have hair, it needs to be clean cut and "neat." I digress.

So in some twist of fate he ends up actually being attracted to you too LOL.

You guys casually chat, the conversation is decent. Overall, this is off to a great start.

So you go out and out of all the billions of people you see in this world, and happen to bump into a being, a human creature, the person happens to fit your build and actually happens to be a little cute, you're at the same place at the same time. The stars dont always align but when they do, it’s truly magical. Thank you universe. So in this situation, let’s just say this, social media had a big part in us getting to know each other. Lol.

He’s friendly, seems cool, and he makes the first move he even asks for your information. Now this may seem very crazy to some of you but in this day and age women are typically the ones now approaching men. I recently did a survey which results I will post soon, but I just have to say is very interesting now how the dynamic of what we were taught growing up has changed so much. I digress. So he makes the first move, and you feel a little rumble in the jungle so you’re thinking OK let me go for it. (meaning let me go out with this ninja) lol.

So, you exchange numbers and the conversation is actually consistent. Yeah you heard me consistent! He contacts you daily you guys talk, you guys are actually in the process of starting a friendship with each other. He actually answers phone calls, and texts back in a reasonable time. So you’re thinking “Ok, We’ll see??” My girlfriends always ask what’s going on In my dating life (I hate telling them sometimes because it blows up in my face almost too quickly sometimes, Soon as I tell them I’ve met someone, the next week... well let s just say I never know what’s going to happen from one week to The other or one day to the next. I’ve gotten really good at telling them nothing, and then Nothing really happens, they don’t even know sometimes, and it spares me the Trouble of saying ANOTHER one didn’t work out, for whatever reason.) Granted ladies I’m not going in with a sense of defeat, but based off of the track record of dates I’ve been on you just never know what you’re going to get.

So as the conversations continue on he actually says why don’t we meet up and go out. (I'm thinking, well ok then!) The idea of actually going out on a date is super exciting, cuz dudes these days don't ask. Well let me say this, dudes ask me out all the time, LMAO. Its just the ones I don't want to go out with. LOL. And it’s funny the things that we get excited about now because most of the guys don’t want to do anything/go anywhere. I had a dude keep telling me "I'm over the dating thing." (I kept saying to myself, thanks for letting me know, this will go no where FAST, lol) Most guys ask if they can do the following, these are all TURN OFF's to me. (reminder he didn't do/say ANY of this..lol)

Come to my house.

Can I come to your house?

What you cooking? and Is there enough for me?

WYD?

Can you bring me something to eat?

Now I get this one.. Are you going to write about me on your blog? (No, I’m not going to write about You (asshole) But I AM going to write about MY personal experience in the crazy world of dating and my reflective experiences in each situation. The narcissistic person thinks it’s about them and takes pride in believing that. This is a platform to let you know You’re not crazy, and you ALL (even me) deserves more. )

Some dudes are so dumb and they haven’t quite figured out yet if they play their cards right they’ll be able to go over your house with no problem, LOL. Moving on..

Since he asked me out, I said, well I have an idea, if you're cool with it.

He said ok "Shoot! what do you have in mind?

I said well how about we go have crawfish, I know of a spot that BYOB.

You pay for the crawfish, and I'll make us some drinks.

He said, "Oh man, thats cool!

So I text"Tequila/Hennessy????"

He said of course “Hennessy.”

I made a date with Spec's liquor, and then I decided what I would wear on my date ❤️.

I wanted to be sexy and cute, but also sort of casual since we were eating crawfish.

I settled on these distressed denim overalls by "Wild Fable" One of my fav things to put on. I wore a simple white tank, and popped on some tennis shoes. Put on some statement glasses (to protect my eyes from the crawfish popping's lol)

It was Saturday, the time had come for our date. I had butterflies in my tummy, I was happy to see him, and excited to go on this date with him. At this point, we had pretty much talked everyday, and text pretty frequently, face timed a few times, even when I was out of town, and also when he was out of town. It says a lot to text while on vacation, that means you giving the person some time thats not owed to them. Especially when you're traveling with other people.

He had a pretty busy work schedule, he worked all day and also had a job he worked in the evenings. He was pretty respectful of my no calls after 10, he would text and say, I know you're probably asleep, I was just reaching out or checking on you. I loved waking up to see that in the mornings. It was sweet, and also respectful. My work schedule is pretty busy and I honestly need accurate sleep. I try to get 7 hours in nightly. It makes a world of difference when someone actually respects that.

I arrive at the date location. I walk in, I don't see him, so I shoot him a quick text, he says he exiting, and should be there in 5 minutes. I said cool, because its packed and its going down! (basically its busy a Fcuk, lol) I had our cooler of yummy goodness, Homemade Strawberry Hennessy with some fresh lemons and limes, and I brought my appetite too.

He walks in, he is dressed in a Black T-shirt and some shorts, and some tennis shoes. Pretty chill outfit, perfect for the days date. We hug, and start catching up. He smells good. We grab a table I grab us some cups of ice, I give him a pair of gloves I brought from home, and we dig in. He says, Damn girl you're prepared. (I started to say this 40 dollar manicure needs to last beyond this date sir, lmao)

The conversation is great, its not stale, its pretty hearty, and goes on the remainder of the date. He laid his phone on the table face up (a good subtle sign) We chat and chat like two friends catching up. We talk about current events, his personal views on religion, being educators, the desire to grow professionally, our love for crawfish, relive the first day we met, and crack jokes with each other. He tells me how excited he is to be quitting his evening job, I respond and say “Yeah because you don’t have ANY time to hang with me!“ He said “We’ll that’s gonna change because I’m going to have more free time now!” He was excited to get back to the gym, and excited to have a social life after work! Overall--- a good time.

We end up discussing the fact that Jack Freeman has a concert at House of Blues in the Foundation Room and Guess what we did! We went! lol! We were flying by the seat of our pants, the only thing we were somewhat worried about was our kids. (our dogs) The date was going so good that we decided it needed to continue. He went home to change his pants, and he came to my house so we could UBER together to the concert venue. (see doesn't take a lot to get to a girl's house, lol) I live right in the heart of downtown so Uber rides are always $6 bucks or so.

We arrive at the Foundation room, and down the last of our homemade Strawberry Hennessy's and slip into the sultry padded walls, and chill vibes of the Foundation Room.

Idk who created the Foundation room but its sexy as hell. The whole concept is just sexy. Its dark, cold, and the walls are layered with Indian style tapestries.The best way to describe it is what you wold think the inside of a magic lamp would look like. We're all genies in a bottle, and we're all just waiting to be rubbed to get out! But we probably won’t leave the inside is so dope lol .

From what I remember, The room was littered with people everywhere sipping cocktails, having quaint conversations, and bobbing their heads to the music to set the tone for the show. There were people at the bar waiting impatiently for their drinks. There were couples littered around the room, and many single ladies. From what I know about Jack he definitely brings a crowd, especially the ladies. During our conversation (off the air) we discussed life in show business and how it can be very interesting.

My date and I found a spot on the side of the stage, we sat on top of a speaker together. I was happy with the spot because I could see the whole band, and the crowd vibe-ing to the music. My date went to the bar to get us some drinks, I made my way over to the videographer. We had worked together previously so it was good to see him. He was the brains behind the picture on my opening page. (here is a little reminder...)

We talked and chopped it up for a minute, and then Jack comes out! I don't know if you guys remember, but I did my first Podcast with Jack Freeman "Jack of all Trades." We exchanged hugs and then laughed because we all worked together separately but all knew each other. They teased me for being on a date, lmao.... (I took their Jabs like a "G") it was like being around older brothers who teasing the sister for going on a date with a dude 😂 I was the sister, and they basically clowned me for 5 minutes 😂. Then the keyboard player comes up. He says Crystal???? I said OH MY GOSH! Hey! I said you play for Jack? He said YEAH! We hug and chat for a bit, he came up with me in the Marching Band world between high school and college. (my date was still at the bar, lol)

As we continued the convo a "girl" appeared. I assumed she was one of these guys girlfriends. I was not the least bit interested in ANY of them, we are all friends/acquaintances and we work together professionally. THAT'S IT. Of course, I was right. She came up and said "How you doing babe?“ To her man. (Im thinking oh lord girl please) He quickly introduced me, I made it clear that I was on a date, and asked her where she was sitting. She calmed down, and all her girlfriends came to give me the evil eye. (I was thinking, where is my damn date? lol.)

There he goes yall, his tall cute self comes pushing through the crowd and we settle on the speaker. Drinks in hand. We talk a little bit about the vibe in the place which is really good, and I notice his speech is slurred a little bit. (I think the Strawberry Henny's were starting to settle into the blood stream.) I feel good, we BOTH feel good.

The band warms up the crowd, and the singer starts to croon the audience. I see the ladies in the crowd swoon, and my date sings along. (It literally makes my lips curl into a smirk of approval. Could this be? A man who loves music and live shows as much as I do?? Who isn't afraid to sing loud in public? Im in love, lol.) He sang into my hair, I felt my curls against my face, I smelled the sweetness of Strawberry Hennessy on his breath. I could feel his lips brush against my cheek and I hummed along as he sang. Is he singing to me?? (Yes b!t(h he is singing to you) LMAO.

We sat closely together on the speaker, I remember my hips seemed to merge with his and I made my way to sitting on his lap. I asked if I was too heavy, I do work out but don’t let social media fool you, I got some hocks on me, LOL. We sat close together so we could hear each other, and so we could sing to each other. I remember looking around, and realizing that there were other people in the room. The room that once seemed so large had become so small. It was only the two of us for the majority of the concert. We were so "into" each other, and I had become so engulfed in each others space that everyone else in the room just seemed to disappear. There was a lot of touching going on, we had become each others personal play grounds respectfully, but it felt as if it was a natural easy show of affection. I remember him rubbing the side of my legs, I welcomed the affection because I was digging him. I remember the lights seemed to become more dim, the music louder, because it was nearing the end of the concert. The climactic point. We walked through the crowd and made our way to the elevator. He called the uber, and we waited for a few, and then took it back to my house.

I invited him inside.

He played with my dear sweet honey... (which I loved, Honey is literally the sweetest dog ever, seriously)

If a dude hates my dog, it will never work. Lol.

Also, She's a pretty good judge of character.

He plopped down on the couch,

I sat across from him on my loveseat.

He napped.

I napped.

We slept.

He snored, lol.

I got up and laid a blanket over him.

I don't remember the time, but I got up and made my way into my bedroom.

It was the cool blue look in my room.

(the sun was coming up but it had to be super early)

I heard him come in and say, Crystal, I have to go to work.

He slipped out, I checked my phone, the time was 7 AM.

I turned back over and went back to sleep.

Im awake.

I lay there thinking what a great time I had on the date. I laid there trying to remember the last time I had THAT much fun with someone of the opposite sex other than my brother ELIOT. 😂

I literallly smile to myself thinking of this is a good start.

I remind myself. Not to be selfish, be flexible, give what I want in return, and be honest. I wanted to give my best version of who I’ve grown to become.

I reach out, via text, and ask how he's doing.

He says good, and asks me the same.

I told him I had a great time on the date,

He responded and said he had a great time as well. We reminisced in all the fun we had.

Time goes on.

The week went on.

I knew I had busy week so I felt that I wasn't able to talk to him as frequently, but I personally made a point to text him daily. (no matter how busy I was)

I made a point to call him at least once a day, whether he answered or not, I called, I text.

I continued to make an effort even though its the end of the school year and everything is going literally 90 miles per hour. I really enjoyed my time with him, and I wanted to make sure he felt that I was sincerely interested.

We chatted, and he told me he was at the gym.

I suggested we get a work out in together one day. He Answered with a "yeah sure, Ima hit you back."

I called another time,

He was out with a friend watching the Rockets playoff game.

He answered my face time (so I assumed he may have been at home)

But nope, out, watching the game.

I suggested we should link and watch the game one day. (I like the social setting of a bar/restaurant watching the game it’s always a lot of fun, but he never suggested it or asked me to watch any of the games.)

He answered with a "yeah sure, Ima hit you back"

I looked up and about a two week time period had passed.

I hadnt seen him again in person, and our conversation had dwindled in just a short time.

I mentioned to him one day that I felt like we hadn't talked.

I noticed that the short conversations we had were always cut short (by him.)

I also realized it took him HOURS to respond to my text messages.

His behavior had seemed to change so quickly.

I thought of his, happy to be off from work conversation so we would have time to hang out, line but I didn’t see any of that conversation coming into fruition.

Cause for alarm? Nah, but I got a good recommendation about being involved with him from someone who's word I trust, and who spoke very highly of him. I gave him most of the time he got ONLY because of that person. But I'm sure most of you know this is what typically happens, its nothing out of the ordinary, just unfortunate when the date is decent. I know me, and I don’t tarry on these type of situations too long.

Moving on. Check it.

According to the New York Post, Americans check their phone on average once every 12 minutes – burying their heads in their phones 80 times a day, according to new research.

A study by global tech protection and support company Asurion found that the average person struggles to go little more than 10 minutes without checking their phone. And of the 2,000 people surveyed, one in 10 check their phones on average once every four minutes. The article states that four hours is the longest time the average person studied was prepared to go before the need to check their phone becomes too much.

So let me break this down, the study shows the average of 2000 people surveyed, 1 in 10 people check their phone every four minutes or so. So when I send him a text, Its a good chance that he has seen my message, has read my message, has made a personal choice/decision not to respond to my message. (This is just based off the data provided by the New York Post, but what do I know??? maybe he's that 1% right. (I highly fu(k!ng doubt it.)

I noticed that the longer it took him to respond, the more I forgot to reach out. I took some time on one of my daily drives to the gym, to really think about and focus on the feelings I had acquired during this time of being involved with him. It’s super early I know, I think because my time is precious I’m very calculated with my relationship and situationships. I was stuck on the fact that I hadn't leaned anything new about him since our date. I didn't learn a thing more, I felt myself forgetting about him and I started to feel as if I was being ghosted. From a survey I just recently Completed, many individuals that completed the survey stated that they ”Ghost out of fear, or that they just didn’t care enough.” I believe a true honest conversation is necessary and appropriate regardless of the circumstances. It’s simple (well not so simple but it declining make ME respect people who keep it real”

You can say this cowards and folks who don’t care:

Hey I thought this was something that I wanted but I realize that I’m not ready for relationship right now.
I started dating someone else and I decided to give them attention.
I thought this was something I wanted with you but I don’t want to be with you.

Our conversation had basically come to a stand still. If there is no progression, then there is also no curiosity to peak or gain interest. I'm a strong believer that someone‘s effort is a reflection of how they feel towards you. I decided that I would be consistent and text him until the end of that week.

I sent my last text that Friday afternoon. (Of course he didn’t respond.)

I never head from him again.

I deleted his text thread.

Life goes on.

These are the games people play.