Being on "Top"
- Crys_j_cole
- Jan 18, 2019
- 5 min read
Yea, I'm sure your mind went straight to a physical position between two consenting adults where, the woman is in a position that involves repeated movements that hopefully, and eventually end in a climactic experience for both parties involved. Right???
Yeah, Nah not this time. I'm talking about being on TOP of some other things. Yesterday I went to get my Annual Woman's exam. Its always a little bit of an "awkward" feeling because you know what we got to do women lol. (Ladies if you aren't getting checked, you should. I get the whole 9 yards, ALL STD tests, as well as Blood Sugar, Blood Pressure, Cholesterol, errything!) Anyway, Despite the feeling of being extremely uncomfortable, I do it to make sure I'm staying on top of my health, and keeping my lady parts in check. Which moves me to my next point, and honestly put me in deep thought about a few things...
“Children are like flowers. Let them bloom by giving them your warm smiles, your soft gentle words falling on them like rain and your art of confidence. You will be amazed at your own garden.”
― Abaida Mahmood
One of my favorite quotes by Bill Cosby states, "Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit." The facts, I'm 36, and according to studies, I am considered to have a HIGH RISK pregnancy. (when and if the time comes) I mean, despite how many gym workouts, healthy eating habits I incorporate into my lifestyle, The fact is, My ovaries are 36 years old. Children?? Will this ever happen???? (OOF!)
The tech comes in and asks the usual questions, When was your last cycle? (AKA Period) I say hold on let me get my Flo app pulled up. I tell her, she types some things in. Any medication or allergies? I say the occasional Benadryl, and Advil every now an then. How many sexual partners in the last year. I looked up at the pretty picture on the ceiling to think for a minute. I say outloud. "Five." She checks my blood pressure, which is a little high, I was anxious about asking my doctor about being 36, and no babies cooking in my oven. And no Baker to put stuff in my oven. lol! She asked me about birth control. (I said I stopped taking it because it gave me high blood pressure.) Condoms and NO SEX has kept me from getting pregnant. She tells me to get undressed, and wait for my Doctor.
As I sat with my natural ass cheeks pressed to the paper, on my doctors exam table, legs crossed at the ankle, rubbing my feet together. My skin bumped up because of the "chill" that just came over me, My fingers criss-crossed, my robe open to the front my little boobies hard and erect because its cold AF in there, lol. I stare out the window, thinking "I wonder if someone can see me up in here with my tits all out." The doctor, She comes in, we hug, and catch up. (Love her to death) We proceeded to talk about a few things that have slowly crept into my mind. Babies, Marriage, sex, and, Life itself.
She asks, So are WE dating anyone? (Last time I checked she was in a happy marriage, when did this become a we? lol) I said, at this current time? No, I'm not. She said well last time you were here there was someone right? I said yeah, (but that was a whole year ago, lol) I liked him, and I think I loved him too, I did, he was probably one of the nicest guys I've ever come across. Sweetest guy ever. Very Sweet. (Notice that's all I'm saying) NOT Thoughtful, Driven, or Focused on personal/professional growth. (But that's it, Apparently he skipped the Adult-ing 101 class in college.) He thought he could "screw" his way into making me forget about things that are really important to me at THIS point in my 35 year old life. Nah bruh, I want the man I'm dating to have insurance, a REFRIGERATOR, a car, an OVEN, as well as the sense to prioritize certain things. OOF, moving on...
Her rubber gloves gently massage my little B-Cups looking for lumps or knots, We proceed to talk about dating, and how many women come in her office with similar stories. My age, and single? Or My age, with multiple children from different men. (shrug) She proceeds to move to my lower abdomen area, she starts to press around, and then she reminds me to relax, because my ABS could probably break off someones fingers, lmbo. (I have to concentrate on relaxing for a moment)
We discuss dating styles, online, socially, or from church. I told her I meet people all the time, just not really the guys I like. She told me she met her husband online. And they are HAPPY. She said he gets on her nerves, but she wouldn't trade him for the world. (yeah, I think I just let out another huge sigh) Online dating???? more thoughts...
We move to the pelvic exam. I scoot my little booty down to the end of the table, I put my feet in the stirrups, and I feel the hot light on my lady parts. I feel a bit of pressure, and then its over. (thank goodness) She tells me everything looks good, and then asks me if I've considered Freezing my eggs. (I'm not going to lie, My eyes well up with tears, I think I'm getting choked up, what the eff is happening right now, lol. )
She says, "Crystal, you're in amazing shape, and I get it, you want to do it with the right person. But this is just a precaution. She say you will more than likely be fine, but this is an insurance policy." (I sit up and nod my head) I said "O.K." I looked at her and said, "You know I'm a teacher right, am I gonna have to start stripping to do this? she laughed and said, "Yeah, its can be expensive but you have the means to do it." (Another big sigh) she said I will refer you to someone, who will do an initial consultation for free. I said "OK" She said get dressed and I'll get you all squared away.
I slip into my Minion costume, slip into my raggedy ass boots that need to be thrown away, check the time on my phone. Blow my nose, and steal a squirt of hand-sanitizer. I walk out, get my "Free Consultation" document from my DOC. slip it into my big purse, (I turn and she gives me a big hug, and says until next year.) I stop by the front desk, they tell my insurance (another thing that last guy didn't have) covered everything.
I walk out of the office, in silence cuz I'm alone.
I'm alone, but I don't feel lonely.
I'm single, but I don't feel secluded.
I'm not married, but I don't feel un-attached.
I may not have all the things other folks have, but I'm at peace, and I feel a sense of happiness that took me a long time to get.
More thoughts, more feelings... (I get in, I push to start, I drive off...)
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