And there He was... (Part 1)
- Crys_j_cole
- Jan 21, 2019
- 6 min read
I was just getting back to a place mentally where I felt I could truly say, "I was ready" or simply trying to put myself out there. I got the idea in my mind that I knew from here on out, I didn't want to talk to ANYONE that I really didn't like, nor wasn't attracted to. After that horrible relationship, I knew I needed to tread carefully. And there he was...
I was on Instagram, fulfilling this new desire to see the world, and gain a new sense of independence. It was after that horrible thing called a "relationship" that brought out this new sense of "I got to live, because that shit almost killed me" (Literally, I was having suicidal thoughts.) I was chasing every desire my budget would allow. It was in this time, I saw this beautiful thing called a "man." He popped up on my page.
In the picture he looked to be all of what my mind, and body desired. He dressed to the "9", his carried this beautiful artwork with him everywhere he went. He had the typical mans style of cut, and the most beautiful little naturally crafted coils that seemed to reach to the heavens as if they knew they belonged there. He had a wise smile, and his lips made me want to lick my own after tasting Hot chocolate with fresh whipped cream. PAUSE (this guy isn't real, this is instagram.)
I made my way down his pictures. I see tons of photos showing that he's cultured, He has a healthy social life, is family oriented, did his due diligence at a University, and he seems to have a pretty great work ethic. (Swoon) PAUSE (this guy couldn't be real, this is instagram.)
I decide to take the plunge and follow him. (I'll just be in the instagram sea, with all the other broads.) I liked a few pictures here and there, and went on about my day. I had a question about one event he attended in particular. I knew I was goin to that same event, and had questions about it. So, I decided to get bold and actually comment on the picture. I'm not one to do anything ordinary, so I came up with a clever comment and decided to post the shit. Oh my God. He responded. (SHOCKED!) PAUSE (this guy isn't real, he couldn't be, this is instagram.)
I couldn't believe it. (I know what you're thinking) WHY WOULDN'T HE? Man, look, I was coming out of an abusive relationship I was trying to figure shit out. Our conversation evolved from the comment section, to the DM's and them to our personal cell-phones. I still couldn't believe and that He actually responded. What a surprise, we were in the same city, at the same time, minutes from each other, and away from home. PAUSE (this guy isn't real, this is frikkn' instagram.)
He told me he was attending an event, and invited me to come, I spent some time doing what I had already planned to do that day, and then I took myself to where he said he would be, and there he was. I saw him through the crowd, it wasn't hard because he was taller than the average guy, but I spotted him. I swear in that moment he seemed to be walking in slow motion. Like as if he were floating amongst the people. (Maybe it was the alcohol, surely it was, lol) He was everything my little imagination created. I walked up to him and said something quirky because I was nervous AF. He smiled and we talked, and our text messages then flowed off our phones and then directly from our tongues. We decided it would be good to catch up later. He suggested this Caribbean spot (I love Caribbean food, does he know this already???) lol. PAUSE (this guy isn't real, this is instagram, but I'm looking at him in front of me.)
I start to obsess about what I would wear, and what the night would intel. I settled on something sleek, and sexy, one of my friends decided to tag along to make sure he didn't let his serial killer out on me, lmao. But we went out, had some drinks, and even danced a little. He had gotten hot in the club, and slipped that shirt off. (Help me Lord. #hotflash) He was tall, he was fine, he was intelligent, and he was hanging out with me. PAUSE (this guy isn't real, this is instagram.. OR is he?)
We had such a nice time, we decided to grab dinner the following day. My friend thought it would be a good idea to tag along. This was a time when I still wasn't quite standing up for myself. The me now, would say. "Nah bruh I'm Ill go by myself, Sit cho ass down somewhere please." She decided to tag along, the conversation between the three of us was good, (I wondered what he thought of me.) I just wish he and I could've had the time together ALONE. We chat, We eat, We drink, and WE drop him at his hotel. (I watch him walk through the doors, and I drive off, the subconscious me drove off because I was clearly in shock. lol)
We both seemed to be digging each other, so he sends me a calendar of all of his travel dates for the year. Remember I'm a teacher so I have plenty of time off, and had to stick to weekend travel when available. The job keeps him on the move, and I realized that this was his life. It seemed like THE LIFE! I wanted so badly to taste a little piece of that life, I also wanted to taste him.
So we settled on a time where I had plenty time off, and I wanted to visit the place he would be at that time. I fantasized about our time together. In my mind, I played out several details about how I thought the time would be. I gotten pass the ("this guy isn't real thing," because here me an this guy were talking daily, and keeping up with each other.)
It was loose.
It wasn't love.
It was carefree.
It wasn't demanding.
I knew that whatever relationship I involved myself in needed to be slow, at a snails pace. I needed it to be "easy" I couldn't take too much pressure. I said I was "ready" but my heart couldn't handle another break, and mentally, I was still healing. This was perfect for me, HE was perfect for me.
I catch my flight, I get to the hotel before him. He calls ahead and tells them to let me get settled in the hotel. I shower, I decide to walk around the hotel and see whats there. He text me and says, I just landed, I'll be there soon. (What is this feeling? I'm exited. I'm ecstatic, I feel happy again for the first time in a long time.) I walked back to the hotel, I got a drink, and posted up at the bar.
I hear the hotel door open and close several times. I keep turning and looking. I was so excited, my heart was racing, my palms were sweating, (I felt like I was losing it, but in a good way.) I kept sipping my wine to try and keep my cool. There were no friends in the way, No music from the DJ booth, No waiters to interrupt. It was just going to be us. Whatever that meant, I was ready for it, and I was ok with it. This was the first time, I was allowing myself to be alone with a man since the horrible breakup. I was nervous. I was excited. It had been about two and a half years. But, I was worried my hurt would show. I didn't want my damage to creep into our time together. I breathe slowly. I calm myself.
He calls my name, I feel My curls shift, over my ears. I feel a chill come over me. I close my eyes, and I take a deep breath, and feel all the anxiety and worries fade in an instant. I feel his hand on the back of my neck, I turn my head up towards the sky as if receiving the start of an amazing neck massage. His hand was cold from coming in from outside, but they were soft, and also rough like a mans touch should be. I hear his bag thud on the floor behind me, and I can also feel the weight of it as it hits the floor. I turned around in my chair, I smile ear to ear, I jump up from the bar stool, and wrap my legs around him, my arms around his neck, and I hug him like I haven't seen him in years. I bury my head in his chest, just under his neck, and He wraps those strong arms around me, I can smell his cologne, but also the smell of travel, but I didn't care, because the guy I thought wasn't real, the one from Instagram?? He was real...., and he was here with me, and in this moment, nothing or no one else mattered. I mattered, And there HE was.......
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